Birthday came early

For those of you who have just logged in, you will probably feel that i am having verbal diahorrea, suddenly having a flood of entries. well, enjoy it while it lasts cos i am contemplating of ceasing blogging. honestly, i am a very private person and the initial intention of having this blog was for me to be my real self, like talking to the world of strangers out there whom will not judge me. where i can be melacholic and express my angst and psycho thoughts, be idealistic. the truth be told, i do not let myself into people's heart.

i have a problem. i could love and accept most people but i kind of do not allow them to really know me. I give but i do not receive. why? why oh why? i have so much insecurities, i think i that if people really know me, will soon discover that i am stupid. how warpped can this be. look at me, i am good at so many things but i keep picking on myself on my weaknesses. i am self-critical and i am afraid people will be like this. this is my problem and i will have to deal with it in my own terms. i thought about ceasing because more people are reading and they are caring. how can this be bad? i dont know.

so, anyway, we'll see about it.

Birthday came early.

Like i told you before, every year, i break the piggy bank and count the gold nuggets which will be the money for my birthday.

this year, i have yet to do the counting cos it is only the beginning of november and my BD is 3 weeks away. but i have been toying with the idea of getting a lap top for a while and finally get into action. First, thanks to Val for telling me about the flexi max-on-line scheme which is just brilliant for me. I just pay $7.50 for 3 days broadband connection and the rest of the time, i could check-in to my hotmail and Brendan to his yahoo for free. the main draw was that Bren could now do the CPF e-submission for his friend's business at home. I hated it when he had to borrow my office's PC because my conscience says it is wrong. And i hated it cos he was doing for a friend and he is always so damn helpful at a cost and i love-hate him for that. i keep telling him, if your friend runs a business, he jolly well invest in infrastructure like PC and stuff cos these are the basics of a buiness. then he would counter me and tell me that the friend's business is a traditional hands-on one and it is barely making money and has no extra for infrastructure like PCs. we will have a short arguement and i will relent and let him use the PC and feel very uncomfortable about it. so now, it is good that he can help his friend and my conscience is crystal clear and i can love him for that. hahah.

Conscience is a very funny thing, it will haunt and keep you in jail if you dont answer its calling.

So anyway, i decided to buy this lap top mainly because of that and also for myself.

like i told Val, i am a laggard when it comes to IT. i only know the few things like microsoft office and dabble a little here and there but i am never the first-in-line to own the latest gadgets like the best lap tops or digital cameras. I am also quite a sucker, like i am biaised with Dell and i just liked its direct sales strategy where i can order it on the phone, choose the upgrades and have it delivered to my door. Taa-daa! it is like Santa leaves you your present at your door. Santa-Dell.

ok, back to my BD. this lap top will not count as my BD present because i wanted it more for my husband. so it doesn't count. right?

Plus, i have not opened my piggy bank and i am not using it to pay for the lap top.

so we have to wait and see if i have any urge to get myself a real present.

in all tradition, i have always taken leave from work on my BD.

i feel that i should just go enjoy the day.

this year, i hope to have dinner together with Val at the Italian restaurant at Holland V. with brendan of course, the three of us. if PW was in town will be good too. and my sis, i got to ask if she's free.

akan datang... coming to a theatre near you.